
Have you ever had a Social Media Crush(SMC)? A SMC is where you are following someone on Twitter, or you are friends on Facebook or some other new media connection, and as you read their tweets or status updates, see their pics etc, you come to think, Damn, is this person something! It generally isn’t a physical kind of thing, at least not for me, although in my experience, I usually end up thinking whomever the object of my SMC is pretty cute, but that is always secondary to those things that attract me: most often a person’s personality and the way it shines through in their text, pics, and so on.
Honestly, I have a few but two in particular come to mind. And, yes, my partner of 10 years is completely aware, and I haven’t done anything wrong. For me it would be a shame if they were anything other than a crush. That just means I’m aware of sensing an attraction, and allowing that energy to invigorate me, mostly in a creative way. I feel inspired to reconnect with my artwork- with being an artist- and make artwork. And that, is a wonderful gift.
I call it a crush because there is a certain, almost stupid adolescent quality to it. I remember my first girlfriend (I did date girls at one point in my life) and the way I thought about her, looked at her, and the whole of it- a crush. The first of my two current SMC is an artist who used to live here in Pittsburgh but has moved on to find his dreams in another place. I have actually met him, but only briefly, and he wouldn’t know me at all. That helps keep it just a crush, plus he is probably half my age. Haha. I think he is a very talented artist, and part of what this is about for me is two things: He both reminds me of what I was like at his age, and he reminds me to seek out those qualities in myself that I have over time, either forgotten or ignored. I read his status reports and view his pics and wonder, where did I start to get so routine and safe in the way I live my life? Where is the passion and curiosity, and willingness to explore all that is inside of me and outside of me- where did that go? And he is so beautiful and handsome, and I so often don’t think I am anymore (I’m old now). and it reminds me that I am as beautiful as I allow myself to believe I am. Not to mention, it prompts me to admit that sitting and watching TV of an evening is no way to have washboard abs- I need to get my ass to the gym for that.
And when he is sad for his heart has been broken (again), I feel grateful for the years and the maturity that allows me to love myself with or without that outward affirmation of another’s affections. I may not be a young thing, but I am wise from the life I’ve lived and that is just as wonderful as can be. And all of it, the ups and downs reminds me to make art, and be what I am- all of what I am.
I call it a crush because it has a certain silly giddiness attached. Like I would be embarrassed to actually say hello, and yet I’d want that so bad I can taste it. My other crush lives so far away, that it is unlikely that we will ever be in the same city at the same time. His name drives me nuts! Isn’t that just too much? He too is creative, but not so much of an artist, and I feel reminded to seek out my creative side in all that I do at work and otherwise, as I read him write of his work in the office, and the things he does for recreation. He has a new tattoo, and I feel encouraged to push myself past a boundary, and out of the safety of the status quo. And he is smart and funny. I think I am of course, I am all of that, and if I am not now, I could be, right?
And as much as I want to meet and be in-person friends, I don’t want that either. For how much of this is all real, and how much is just the way the picture is painted in my imagination? And it works for me by inspiring me just the way it is.
I call it a crush because nothing will ever come of it- not in the sense of a deeper relationship- one outside of my imagination. I have a man who loves me for what I am, all of what I am, and who is there for me. His is a real love that isn’t always as shiny and “perfect” for real means it has the blemishes as well as the gems.
These are inventions of Social Media where following someone on Twitter, watching them on Youtube, exploring their pictures on Flickr, or writing on their wall in Facebook brings anyone close even if they are halfway around the planet. This ability to learn about someone like this could never happen in a face to face way. Social Media provides both an intimacy and a safe distance at the same time.
But my crushes suggest to me that there is more to me than I am aware and if I seek that out, I have even more to bring into my real relationships, romantic and otherwise. Crushes come and go, but the lessons they teach, the glimpses into the hidden parts of me are priceless.
Photo by kampol likitkanjanakul, pop. FASHION STYLIST
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