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I posted the other day, about Mike Duvall, the California assemblyman who was caught on tape describing his sexual antics with two women who are not his wife, which led to his resignation. If I was in California, or felt more passionate and wanted to write about the way lobbying impacts our legislators, there is a ton here to write about. One of the two mistresses was a lobbyist working for a Utility interest, and Duvall was vice chair of that committee overseeing legislation that would directly impact her client. But what is more aligned to my current interests, is the way these Family Values politicians use that idea as a weapon against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, yet are poor examples of family values in their own lives. Talk about wanting special rights! They want the right to marry, yet claim that same-sex marriage will destroy the sanctity of marriage. What a joke. My Duvall, if you are so into spanking, why not try spanking your wife instead of your mistress?

For me this incites my outrage for a few reasons, but high on the list is the fact that he still hasn’t just come clean about it:

“I want to make it clear that my decision to resign is in no way an admission that I had an affair or affairs. My offense was engaging in inappropriate story-telling and I regret my language and choice of words. The resulting media coverage was proving to be an unneeded distraction to my colleagues and I resigned in the hope that my decision would allow them to return to the business of the state.”

So, what do you think the term “inappropriate story-telling” means? Were these just stories made up but not based on any fact? In other words, were they lies? Is lying a family value?  What specific words did he wish he hadn’t chosen? At least Mark Sanford had the guts to get honest about his affair. Why can’t Duvall do the same?

Maybe he is being honest, and the stories were total lies. Maybe there was no sexual action with a lobbyist or another woman. That is almost more frightening to think about!  I could understand that type of telling of false exploits if this was the high school locker room, where young boys may embellish the truth out of an insecurity that they aren’t man enough, when in reality, all the boys are doing the same thing- all trying to prove their masculinity. But don’t these boys grow up, and learn both to tell the truth, and that true masculinity isn’t about womanizing and wild sexual exploits? What does this say about “Family Values?” What does this say about the sanctity of Marriage? Isn’t that sanctity at least tarnished, if not totally damaged when it seems OK to tell stories like this?

Republican “Family Values” Hypocrite Duvall denies affair: Sacramento for Democracy .

While the linked article is about Doncaster UK, it is a striking example of the way rhetoric and social agenda can take precedence over real people and real lives.  In short, the mayor of Doncaster suggested that the Taliban has more to offer society because it offers an “ordered system of family life.”

Defending the remarks, Davies said: “The point I was making was that even a regime as hideous as the Taliban at least appears to have some sort of decent sort of family affairs. In fact, probably… they have an ordered society.

He was speaking following recent child abuse scandals in Doncaster.

Referring to recent child abuse scandals in the town, he added: “The one thing that can be said about the Taliban is that they do have an ordered society of some sort and that they don’t have hundreds of cases of children under threat of abuse from violent parents as we do in Doncaster.”

Really? Does he honestly believe that children are better cared for?  I have a feeling that child welfare may not be that much different, except that in a more open and free country, there is publicity and a push for the rights of children, whereas under a more restrictive theocratic regime, these concerns would not be raised or hidden intentionally.

In fact, probably… they have an ordered society.

My favorite part of that quote is the “maybe.” Maybe they do, and maybe they don’t, although he is on the side of “they do.” But the more important quest is not if it is ordered or not, but rather, what is it ordered upon?

While not in Afganistan, an episode of child control last year speaks to the false claim of “abuse from violent parents” Google for “Father burns daughter” and see what you find. While most of the press it received, has a anti-muslim/ pro-christian stance, the bottom line is that a daughter had her tongue cut out and burned to death.

Davies isn’t really interested in facts however. He merely wants to use rhetoric that spins his own message. That message, here in the US comes under the guise of Christian Family Values, where the image of “family” is more important that the reality of real lives.

Interestingly, the first part of the abuse of the daughter could be justified with Christian scripture. Even Jesus preached that he offending body part should be cut off. Better to live without it than to sin again. To meet the Christian Bible, the burning should have been a stoning, but why get bogged down in these details…

This push by many, that we called the radical right, may use a religious basis, but Religion itself isn’t the problem. The problem is placing ideas and concepts of Family as more important than real lives, real people.

Pride ban mayor praises Taliban ‘family values’ – from Pink News – all the latest gay news from the gay community – Pink News.

Since the story first broke, that SC Governor, Mark Sanford was missing, I’ve had a variety of reactions to this story. I was definitely on the bandwagon, calling for him to resign once he returned and everyone learned that this staunch pro-family values/ anti-gay rights governor was little more than a hypocritical adulterer who had cheated on his wife. From my perspective, a politician can hold whatever viewpoint they want, including anti-gay views. A healthy democracy includes a diverse mixture of viewpoints, where everyone has a voice. But a politician needs to walk the walk, instead of simply talking the talk. Sanford’s situation, like Ensign’s illustrates the hollow lies of the Republican focus on Family Values. They don’t really care about families, and they will do anything and accept anything in their quest to hold power and control others’ lives. Publicized affairs like these two, demonstrate that the real enemy of the traditional family is not same-sex marriage or the full equality of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people, but rather, families suffer due to completely heterosexual- induced problems. All families, gay and straight can fail due to a lack of morality. But that morality is not about the acceptance of gays nor a supposed turning away from the Bible. Lying, cheating, covering up, failure to remain true to one’s commitments- these are the foundation of today’s moral deficit, and the sooner we stop demonizing queers, there is some possibility that we, as a culture can see this.

But, I actually think Sanford’s problems- the reasons he should resign- are not about his personal failings, and not even because of his hypocrisy. Rather he should resign because of the way his personal sex obsession led him to abandon his professional responsibilities. He left the country, lying to his staff about where he was going, and there was no plan in place for leadership of the state in his absence. This is unacceptable. Imagine if there had been some massive unexpected catastrophe had happened- it would have taken time, and energy to fist determine who was leading the state before any actions could even be taken. The way he let his personal turmoil allow him to abandon his responsibilities- this is the real reason why he is unfit to remain as a governor.

“If the governor does not resign now, then the legislature must act quickly to resolve this matter, this year, so that the 2010 session of the General Assembly is not dominated by impeachment proceedings, taking away from far more important issues, like bringing jobs to our state, balancing our budget and improving education,” Mr. Bauer said at the news conference in Columbia, South Carolina’s capital.

In terms of the personal issues, I feel sorry for the guy. Few people are fortunate enough to meet a person who we feel is truly our soulmate. for him to discover such a connection is an amazing thing. It is sad, very sad, that if this is his true soulmate that he would sacrifice this relationship for some false sense of saving a marriage that must have been on autopilot to begin with. There is no way that he and his wife were living an authentic commitment to each other- or he never would have ended up in a position where he could have found his soulmate. If I were him, I would admit my failure at my marriage and take off to be with my soulmate. That couldn’t be any more painful for his wife than the current situation.

via Lt. Governor of S.C. Calls on Sanford to Resign – The Caucus Blog – NYTimes.com.

The predictions of what will happen if there is gay marriage, are easy to find on any number of pro=family values web sites. However, what should we make of those predictions? The linked article considers what has happened in Massachusetts where gay marriage has been legal now for 5 years.

Legalizing same-sex marriage hasn’t hurt the institution of marriage one bit in the Bay State.  And it won’t hurt the institution of marriage in Vermont, Iowa, New Hampshire, Connecticut or Maine.

If anything, it seems to be helping straight people stick together.

Gay Marriage Seems to be Helping Straight Marriage (Gay Rights – Change.org).

This, like so many other recent stories details the hypocrisy within the far right -wing Family Values contingent. Not that Family Values, themselves are wrong or problematic. But rather what is wrong is when people hold up their own moral superiority as justification for withholding rights from others- that’s where a problem is found.

I wholeheartedly support any conservative who feels that s/he needs to focus on his/her own family and measures that support “the family” as a cultural unit. More power to them! Just stop working so hard to keep gays and lesbians from having equal rights, claiming that your moral position is superior.  Those things in our society that are truly harming the family are:

1. Adultery and sexual infidelity.
2. Domestic violence, especially against women.
3. Alcohol and drug addiction
4. Poverty

Not necessarily in that order. That two men or two women want to be in a legally recognized relationship isn’t harming anyones marriage or anyone’s family. That gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people want to be treated as equal in the areas of housing, employment, and public accommodations isn’t going to cause one heterosexual family to falter or fail.

Alex Constantine’s Blacklist: Tennessee: GOP State Sen. Resigns Amid Lurid Sex Scandal With 22-Year-Old Intern.

Jeff Schweitzer: A Comical Failure of Moral Values:  Twisted Ideas of Theory and Practice in the Republican Party

Jeff Schweitzer: A Comical Failure of Moral Values: Twisted Ideas of Theory and Practice in the Republican Party.

Children of gay couples speak out

Who would have thought lesbian moms would raise a republican activist? I really like the way he phrases this:

“I believe in family values, but family is about taking care of your children and respecting one another,” Levey said. “It doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation is.”

Gay parents get shout-out from their kids – Related Stories – Gay & Lesbian Leadership SmartBrief.

Original Story: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/06/28/gayby/index.html

I really wish someone on the far right would explain their strategy to me. What I dont get is this: if their goal is to protect marriage, why in the world are they wasting all this time, energy and money to keep gays from marriage while there is no shortage of straight marriages crumbling all around? I think the truth of the matter is that the National Organization for Marriage (NOM) is a total sham. It should be named the National Organization Against Gay Rights. One is hard pressed to see any action of that group as having even the remote connection to protecting marriage.

Yesterday, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford showed up after missing for almost a week to announce that he has been having an affair with an Argentinian woman. Not only has his infidelity rocked his family (which by itself is plenty of damage), but additionally, he left an entire state without leadership and those who could be in charge – he hadn’t even spoken to. Imagine if something catastrophic had happened and there was no one in charge? Not only is this infidelity hurtful to his wife and family, and a complete abandonment of everything he supposedly believed in, there could not have been a more irresponsible action by an elected official.

So, what do you think NOM had to say about this bad guy’s destruction and abuse of marriage?

Nothing. Not one word.

And he is just one of three. The 3rd high profile republican “family values” leader who has fallen from their pedestal recently. From my perspective, this is problematic from several aspects.

First of all, infidelity hurts many people, and anytime there is cheating in a relationship, there is no real trust, and without trust there is no real intimacy. The affair is just a symptom of a deeper problem with is a emotionally and spiritually bankrupt relationship. so, aside from who it is- republican, democrat, straight or gay- lying and cheating and having affairs that you keep from your spouse is the farthest thing from healthy.

However, that these things happen, and happen with far more frequency than (at least the RNC) would like, poses another, and potentially bigger problem for the traditional family values cheerleaders. At it’s core, there is nothing about traditional family values that works in and of itself. sure, straight marriages can and do exist. Many are based on love and all sorts of good stuff. But is this because they are fundamentally wired to be successful (as opposed to same-sex relationships are hard-wired to fail and incapable of being healthy)? No. It is because the individuals in them work hard and make it work. That they have one man and one woman, doesn’t make that easier or harder. Two men or two women can form and grow a healthy, loving relationship just as easily. So the base tenet of traditional family values “working” because of a heterosexual marriage, is bogus.

A second claim made for why same-sex marriage isn’t acceptable is that children need a father and a mother.I would contend that no child needs to be in any family relationship where there is such dishonesty, lack of trust,m and a willingness for one parent to cheat on the other . Those who condemn gay marriage because f how it will affect the children are blindf to the fact that 50% of straight marriages end in divorce and kids are torn between two parents.

However, the biggest issue, as I see it, is that it seems that those who crusade against Gay Rights in general, and Marriage Equality in specific most loudly. Those who seem to go out of their way to be leaders against GLBTQ people, often display the having the biggest problem walking the walk that aligns to the moral rantings that defines their position.

If these people really cared about Marriage, they would stop worrying about Gay people and our relationships and work on their own! And let’s to call a spade a bloody shovel! the NOM isn’t about Marriage. It is about restricting the rights of gay and lesbians.

I have written about Carrie Prejan, Miss California, but wanted to add this. We know that those right wing conservatives want to protect the status quo, and what does that mean? Will there ever be an inquiry into those elements of the status quo that don’t support the family/ family values that are supposedly the thing they care the most about?

Prejean: Say No to Gay Marriage, Yes to Exploitive Sexual Images of Women / Queerty.

This Forbes.com story provides a number of statistics from polls over time that demonstrate attitudes towards GLBTQ issues. It is a good read.  The title is about Gay Marriage, but the polls deal with many aspects of gay acceptance. for instance, Should Gays have equal rights in terms of job opportunities? 55% said yes, in 1977, and 89% in 2008! Numbers like that demonstrate why protections like PA HB 300 are timely and aligned with public opinion.

Gay Marriage And Public Opinion – Forbes.com.