I want to weigh in on a recent Davey Wavey controversy, as I have a different perspective than I’ve heard shared so far. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s what happened in a nutshell.

Davey Wavey is a YouTuber known for doing all his videos shirtless. He recently did a video telling younger guys that they needed to have more respect for older gay guys. At least one older guy saw that as a reason to rip Davey up one side and down the next, all in the name of speaking out against ageism.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-michael-conner/hello-from-the-other-side_1_b_9119432.html is a post on HuffPost Gay Voices by David Conner, ripping Davey Wavey a new asshole.

As a 58 year old gay guy, I feel as if I’m qualified to weigh in on this.

In my opinion, David Conner has it all wrong. Not only is his reasoning flawed, but his post demonstrates a hostility that undermines his argument further. On the one hand, is his critique that younger guys perpetuate ageism and marginalize older gay men, and on the other hand is Conner’s undeserved berating  of younger guys while body-shaming them.

This is only one of several references to the fact that Davey is almost always shirtless. What I think this demonstrates is a generational gap. Davey, settled on a public persona as he developed a following on YouTube. Those new fangled kids call it “branding” I believe. Those silly kids. What prompts Conner to make such a big deal out of this? Conner perpetuates a stereotype that shirtless twinks and other hot dudes have nothing of value to offer. How wrong and how arrogant of him.

Conner is no Davey Wavey fan. He admits to only having watched a few videos, yet he feels confident enough to make far reaching comments about “every single man…” To be able to make such a statement with such authority, it would be helpful if he had seen more than a few videos.

It’s worth restating: Every single gay man you present in your videos appears to be under age 30, 35 tops. Every single one conforms to an idealized physical standard. Every single one of them is white. Your rant against young gay men who are cruel to older, less attractive gay men, therefore, can’t be considered any more authentic than, say, Hugh Hefner ranting against objectifying women. It doesn’t make any actual sense when you think about it.

Now, I haven’t watched all of Davey’s videos, but I’ve watched more than a few, and I know I’ve seen guys who are not white. Are they all attractive? Yes, but then, I think we are all attractive to somebody. And I don’t believe there is anything wrong with guys who take care of themselves and look hot.

For those who are old like me, you may remember there was a cartoonist, Donelan, whose work adorned the Advocate back in the ’70’s. One of my favorite cartoons, showed these two gay guys– one a gym boy and another walking down the street. The other, who is dressed to the nines in stylish clothes, quips that is why he spends so much on a wardrobe– so he doesn’t have to go to the gym. My point to the story is that youth and body worship aren’t new and the current young generation isn’t the first to be consumed with the pretty gay man’s body. I’d say Davey Wavey ain’t doing or saying anything different from what guys in my generation said when we were young and hot.

The older-gay-man “eww” factor against which “Davey Wavey” speaks is caused by the images and ideals that “Davey Wavey” promotes. 

This is, in my opinion, the most wrong sentiment that Conner shares. Images don’t cause stereotypes, and to suggest they do, demonstrates an utter lack of awareness. And are you sure you know what “ideals” Davey Wavey is promoting, if you’ve on’y seen a few videos? I wouldn’t begin to believe I know anything about Conner’s “ideals” from reading a single op-ed piece. Yet Conner is so quick to judge.

Personally I’m thrilled to see young people affirm and celebrate beauty, sexuality and sensuality! One of the greatest damages of the years and years of the AIDS epidemic, has been the way it has taken away the collective celebration of the body and sexuality. It’s damn right time to find that celebration again.

Now, I don’t disagree with Conner that Davey Wavey could display more diversity in his videos. Conner calls them “narcissistic,” though that is true of most every element of this young YouTube generation. Davey Wavey is no outlier there. But I believe his videos have changed and his messages grown more nuanced over time, if all of his work is considered as a whole. Our little Davey Wavey is growing up, and his messages are as well. There is still plenty there for his army of followers, while injecting messages like this:

“That creepy old gay man that looks like Santa Claus and the people in his generation are literally — literally! — the only reason that you can walk down the street in your pink [bleep] tank top and not get your ass beat,” you say. “It is because he fought, and marched, and sweat, and rallied, and stood up so that the world that you live in is better than the world that he grew up in.”

Does Davey Wavey get it all right? Nope. Did you or I, at every point in our lives? I know I didn’t.  But in the middle of it all, Davey Wavey makes some valid and valuable points, and that is worth supporting. It is useful too to remember who his audience is. Does he package and deliver a useful message to them? They are probably the best judge of that.

I’ve been an activist since I was 19 (and I’m now 58), and I’ve evolved and changed over time. I cringe today at some things I know I said in the past, but they are all a part of my journey. Fortunately, no one like Conner was there trying to shoot me down and shame me, or I might not have got to the place where I am now.

I expect Davey Wavey will continue to grow and evolve and I hope to hell he continues to have a huge following on YouTube. Even with his errors, he is doing OK in my book, even when he doesn’t have it 100% perfect.

If I did make a conjecture based only on reading one op-ed by Conner, it would be to say that Conner is just an angry bitter guy who isn’t dealing well with getting older. This sentiment is astounding to me:

“Trust me, by age 35, boy-crazy gay man-boys will make it known to you that “you can’t sit with us.”

Conner links to some other Davey Wavey videos, but interestingly doesn’t link to the video he is bashing. So, I’m embedding it here. Read Conner’s op-ed and then watch the video. You’ll see he takes comments out of context and poorly represents the video (where Davey has his shirt on!)

Totally missing from this discussion is the notion that gay men are all getting older and older. Heck, I heard someone joke at a birthday party a few weeks ago– that 50 is the new 35! And I think that is true. More and more gay guys are living older and older. (Thankfully, given how we lost close to an entire generation to HIV/AIDS.) And, in my opinion Conner’s characterization of young guys is just as ageist as can be. I think about all of the realms where I come into contact with younger gay guys, socially, professionally, as well as in the activist community, and no where do I experience anyone suggesting “you can’t sit with us.”

There are many people out there providing messages of value. Conner may find Andy Humm or Michelangelo Signorele more to his liking. Davey Wavey isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but that doesn’t mean what he says or how he is dressed isn’t just fine for his YouTube audience. We have to stop beating up on younger gays just because they don’t get it 100% right. They are a part of the future and they deserve our support rather than our scorn.