So, I sit semi-regularly, with a small group of folks at work for a noon-time meditation.  Most of the folks involved are buddhist, but not all.  The meditation is simple and comfortable for anyone.  No matter what your belief system (or lack there of) this can be a welcome place.  Call it silent prayer, call it what you will, just come and spend about 30 minutes in silence.

I say I attend semi-regularly- partly because I have one of those self-critical expectations.  That I never do it enough or well enough.  Yes, I need to let go of that. The group meets on Monday and Thursday, but I get there mostly on Mondays.

Today, as often happens for me, about 5 or so minutes in, I start to have trouble staying awake.  And it seems the harder I try to stay awake, the more determined my mind is to shut down and fall asleep! So, I don’t fight it too hard, but I do try and stay conscious and focused on my breathing.  At one point I realized I probably had dozed off, and looked up at the clock, and it was 15 minutes in.  I re-focused myself and began again.  Just pick up and inhale and exhale and place my attention on the breath, and fairly quickly it seemed the bell is being rung and it is time to end.  As I sat there contemplating my experience, my mind went to pondering what it must have been like for the Buddha to sit and meditate as he did, and I thought about why my mind and body are so busy wanting to get to what is next instead of staying comfortably in the present moment.  And it occurred to me that I don’t feel safe just being in the moment.  I have to continually want to get out of now to get to what’s next.  But even when I get there, I don’t “stay” but am off again towards what’s next.

Safety. Safe enough to just be present.  What an insight.  Something to really ponder and work on.