Yesterday, I came across two stories of gay men getting married to women to prove a point: that for heterosexuals, anyone can get married, and the sanctity of the institution or other things that supposedly make a marriage special are nothing more than bull shit excuses used to deny gay and lesbian couples the same rights as the breeders (there I said it!). I mentioned one in my blog yesterday, and I heard about the other on the MichaelAngelo Signorelli show yesterday afternoon. Signorelli was interviewing this guy- I turned in with the interview already in progress- was marrying a woman he had never met, only spoken to via email. He was doing it to make a point. That simply because they each were of different genders (and therefore could have sex and possibly make a baby) they could get married. There didn’t need to be love or anything between them other than the possibility of procreation. Neither the guy, nor Signoreli used the term “Breeder,” a very derogatory slang for straight, but that is what his little experiment would prove. Our government’s role in animal husbandry for the primate we refer to as human being.

The far-right christian crazies make no bones that it is all about procreation, or at least the possibility of procreation, since the infertile can marry, and so can the elderly who are no longer able to bear children, but even the most rabid of them like Maggie Gallagher or Tony Perkins won’t own up to the animal husbandry element of it. The Eugenics of it. One man and one woman doesn’t really go back to the Bible (just look at the Hebrew Scriptures). Rather, this requirement is rooted in patriarchal power, and the importance of controlling lineage and wealth. From our own American history, we know that many (most?) males who owned slaves including Thomas Jefferson, had babies by slave women. In other words, the women where used as sex objects, but the slave owner’s wealth was controlled and kept “in the family” because he only had one wife and eligible children by that wife.

This is an interesting thing to explore, but I also think it is not the most fruitful (pun intended)  possible action that those who are discriminated against because of who we are. Why not make Valentine’s Day, a gay activism day instead? We are going to accomplish little in trying to show straight people that for them, it is all about the control of breeding, and heredity lines. Most straight people aren’t going to like that and feel looked down upon (either justified or not), but many straight people may respond to a different argument. That we are really, in so many ways just like them. Or rather, there is no concrete demarkation between us and them. All of us are individuals who seek to couple, form families and be happy. Some people never find love, and are always looking, others struggle with being able to have lasting and/or meaningful relationships, while others seem to make love and relationships look like the easiest thing in the world. Some want children, and others do not. But all of us want to be loved for who we are as individuals, and treated with respect.

Sometimes, some gays just want to pretend they are straight. I’d call them the assimilationists. Often they are prudish, and can find as much fault with at least part of the GLBTQ communities as the best of the far-right crazy christian conservatives. Theirs is often a message of seeing how we are all alike, by being like straight people. They posit that if we just acted more like straights, we would find acceptance. This is flawed thinking. My notion of how we are alike is different than that I hope. I am not suggesting that we demonstrate how we are alike to hide or mask the way we are different than straights, but rather to point out that while we are different in some ways, it is the ways in which we are alike that define why we deserve fairness and equality. That the ways we are different are not a valid reason to “other” us and treat us as second class citizens.

So, how could this Day of Love be better used by the Equality movement? As a way to demonstrate our feelings and our affections for one another? I mentioned this to a devious friend, who had the idea of a guerilla effort. He suggested that gays and lesbians sneak into the greeting card aisle at every store, and when no one is looking, alter all the Valentine card messages to be something that mentions same-sex love, attraction, and affection. I’m not big on vandalism, so I can’t agree that is a good idea, but here is an idea:

Action #1: Go to your local store today to buy a Valentine card. Take a pen with you, and find a way to gay it up in front of some straight people. Liuke when you get to the counter to pay for it, comp,lain to the clerk that there were no cards applicable to same-sex couples, and then there, holding up the line, take out your pen, write on the card, and then, after it is suitable for you to share with the one you love, pay for the card.

By buying a card, you help the economy. By editing the text of the card in front of others, you give voice and make visible that gays and lesbians feel love and that our love is so often invisible or excluded. By paying for the card after editing it, you demonstrate that we do not have to settle for what society has to offer, but that we will make our own place within it. Please do not vandalize, no matter how luscious my friend’s idea may seem.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect day for other public displays of affection (PDA’s):

Action #2: At your local grocery store, home improvement store, mall or other locale where many people may be gathered, take the opportunity be be love birds! Hold hands, give each other a peck on the cheek, tell each other “I love You.” But don’t overdo this one. It is possible to take PDA’s too far. If it would be unacceptable for a straight couple, than it is unacceptable for a gay/lesbian couple. No one should be sticking their tongue down another’s throat in public- not gay nor straight. That is just wrong.

Unfortunately, for many queers as well as for many straights, Valentine’s day can be a lonely day if you do not have someone to love. I am not sure what type of action to take in this regards. Maybe one of my readers can think of something and share it. I’d only say that in the words of RuPaul:

“If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love someone else.”

Use the day to treat yourself well. Eat right, get enough sleep, exercise, and commit to taking good care of yourself everyday.

Possibly more important is to find ways to make the realness of our love, attractions and affections visible all the time, instead of just one day a year. Consider putting a photo of your loved on on your desk at work.. Remember to say, I love you often and in public. Mention your girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, (or whatever term works for you) to friends, colleagues, or others. Stop hiding your love, and let it shine 365 days a year.