This is a letter I wrote to my father recently, and I’m sharing it here to suggest that how we communicate with our familes is a type of activism. So often, we, as gay, lesbian, bisexual, and trans person’s lay out big demands upon our parents, that may be fully deserved, but destined for failure. Why don’t we take a more nuanced and measured approach?

It may be that we have every right to demand full and unconditional acceptance and love from our parents. It may be also true that our parents don’t know that they have this to give us. The task may seem impossible to them. Activism isn’t only about giving voice to our demands, but it is also about giving individuals enough information to help them rise above their own ideas of the status quo.

Dad,
I wrote about this story on my blog, both a while ago, and then again this weekend. Please watch this video clip. Please watch the whole thing, it is only about 8 minutes.

I have appreciated all the efforts you have made to acknowledge my relationship with Brad, and to treat us as a family, which is how we see ourselves. I also know that you recognize that my lungs create potential for health concerns. Imagine how horrible it would have been for me as well as for Brad, if Janice and Lisa’s story was our story. Imagine what it would have been like for me to be in a hospital room, kept from the person I love and count on, or for Brad to be kept away from me.

I work as hard as I do for changes in the law to protect gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans persons(LGBT), because connected to every LGBT person are loved ones, as Brad is connected to me.

Love,

Tom