It’s about time someone spilled the beans as to what is up with Mayor Luke. The guy has been missing work events, and perhaps more importantly, campaign events and no one is talking. Everyone is just shaking their proverbial heads and claiming not to know anything, and inferring that there is a family illness issue going on. However if that was the case, how hard would it be for the Mayor’s office, or his campaign office to come out with an official statement?

He has been missing from recent public appearances, and that is raising even more concern. There has been speculation throughout the day about Ravenstahl’s re-election bid.

So far though, the Mayor’s Office is staying silent.

And then, today, every major news media announced that Luke would be holding a press conference and make a major announcement, but no announcement materialized. So, here my guesses as to the three top reasons Mayor Luke Ravenstahl has been missing.

1) Mayor Luke is hiking the Appalachian Trail with Former Governor Mark Sanford

Mayor Luke has made a big deal out of “greening” the City of Pittsburgh, and yearly gives away trees to help boost conservation efforts. So, Luke hatched a great plan to boost his campaign by going where it is really green and hike the Appalachian Trail! And what better guide could he find than Mark Sanford. Sure, Sanford is a Republican, but Mayor Luke has reached across the bipartisan divide before to negligible effect. The Mayor of San Diego is a Republican, and one of Luke’s BMF’s (Best Mayor Friend). He was on board supporting Marriage Equality way before Luke.

2) Mayor Luke is getting Gay Married

While he was slow to the position, once he figured out that Marriage Equality made sense, and that he could get gay votes for supporting the idea, Mayor Luke jumped in so fully that he decided to get Gay Married himself! “There are plenty of eligible gay bachelors in Pittsburgh who have found the young mayor to their liking,” remarked an unnamed fallacious campaign staffer. What better way to show how progressive Mayor Luke is than to step out to the forefront of this cultural issue.

3) Mayor Luke is Hunting with Dick Cheney

Mayor Luke has also prided himself for improving Public Safety, but given the recent controversy with Chief Harper, Luke felt the need to explore a different route. What better way to kickstart a decrease in City gun violence than find a way to get gun owners on board for  tighter gun control within the city limits. With the NRA pressing for hunters to need semi-automatic rifles, Luke took off with the preeminent hunter himself, Dick C, to research how to get this constituency on board to support his re-election.