Had coffee late this afternoon with someone I hadn’t spoken to in a while. He is a very active LGBTQ advocate as well as doing good work for the whole of Pittsburgh. Well, I talked and he mostly listened. Next time I think we’ll do it the other way, and I’ll do the listening.

We talked about efforts to better the LGBTQ community in the area, and it reminded me how little time we spend actually listening and talking to each other. We talk at each other and often about each other, and how much better our use of time would be if we talked to each other. Over coffee. Engaged with each other, yet informal.

I’ve been fortunate to have been a part of a variety of meetings over the past six months that have been local, regional or national in scope. Time after time the issue of trust and the need for collaboration between groups or organizations comes up. History, group dynamics, personality issues, and other things stand in the way of greater cooperation. Where do you start and how do you make it different?

Truth be told, it wasn’t my idea to have had this coffee meeting, but I said yes. I think one way, I can make things better is to more often reach out as someone did to me. I can help by being willing to talk and listen.

Something happens when two people are face to face talking. It isn’t about groups or organizations, but about two people. It is easy to hold a resentment or a judgment about a group, but when it is about two people who are both willing to listen and share, a mutual respect and support is bound to grow. Rumors, drama, misinformation, fear, judgement, or mistrust starts to fall away.

I own no stock in any coffee company, and frankly the beverage consumed is of little importance. If you want to do something to improve the LGBTQ community, go have coffee with some one from a different group or organization. Spend an hour listening and sharing honestly. No talking about or at each other. The whole community thanks you in advance.