The linked article and video are worth your time so I’m hoping you take some time to read and watch. I saw this on Facebook, and it prompted me to post about something that has been on my mind for a while. Do you think it is any easier for youth to come out as gay or lesbian today than it was in the past? The general thought is that it is easier because there are more resources and greater visibility for LGBTQ persons, but I think that may miss some important things. I don’t mean to suggest that it used to be easy to come out and now it isn’t. Rather, I think that the added visibility and general cultural acceptance add different struggles for those coming out, and especially to those coming out at younger and younger ages.
As of my writing this, the video has had 2,655,454 views and almost half a million “likes.” Here is one of my favorite quotes from the video:
I just want to be me, and not be afraid.
There is still so very much work to do if a guy like this, with 3.6 million subscribers is worried about coming out, and I don’t mean that as any criticism of Connor. In my book, this guy rocks! Its possible that 3.6 million young people are hearing the encouragement many of them will need to simply be who they are without fear or shame.
The Gay and Lesbian Community has fought valiantly to make it easier for our youth to be able to accept themselves easier, have support and visible role models. Yet, underneath it all, even today, youth struggle as they start to recognize they are different, when all they want is to be like everyone else. Not only, do we have to make it OK, to come out as gay, lesbian, bi, trans, or queer, but we must battle harder and harder so that when kids start to realize they are different, they see that as a positive thing rather than as negative thing. We must get to a point where being different is as normal as being alike.
Harvey Milk told us years ago, and it remains true today. The single most important thing all of us can do is come out, and be visible! Connor says he knew very, very few gay people. But we really are everywhere, even in small towns across the Midwest, in the South or the Northwest or where ever. We really are everywhere, but in many paces we hide. Even if we don’t intentionally hide we are often not visible.
We have put so much effort on make labels like “gay” possible, and that is not a bad thing. But helping our youth feel confident in “I am” is even more important than being comfortable in “I am gay.”
Hatred and bigotry survive and thrive by perpetuating the status quo which suggests there is some singular rigid way to be a boy or a girl. This status quo is what makes it hard for youth to embrace being different. And as LGBTQ visibility does increase those who benefit most from the status quo will fight harder and nastier to stop young people like Connor from coming out and accepting their difference.
I could be very wrong, and please leave comments and let me know what you think. But in my experience, it was most common for you people to begin to explore their sexuality in ernest after they went off to college. College encourages individuation and independence in ways that youth back in Junior High and High School simple don’t have access to. While in 1975, perhaps a parent would be very unhappy as their kid came out at 20 years old, but that kid had more skills and ability to cope with it than a young person of 12 or 13 or 14.
I would be remiss too, if I didn’t acknowledge how much this is a First World problem. In too many places around the globe anyone regardless of their age can find themselves beaten, imprisoned, or even put to death for coming out.
So, in what ways do we keep making the world (large or small) a safer and safer place for our youth to embrace their difference? I’d say, a good start is supporting those who come out, by being out and visible ourselves and putting as much love and respect we can out there to support others.
I want to close this post by commenting on how important it is that their coming out was on YouTube by a YouTube personality. I may be wrong, but I think youth can relate to other youth who are giving voice to their own experiences in a medium they too can access. Anyone can start a YouTube channel and share who they are with others. That’s a very different experience than being a movie star.
Oh, and lastly, I believe that what Connor needs now is ongoing support too. We all know, that after these brave acts is when the shit can really start to hit the fan, and he will be the recipient of more hate than ever before. Hopefully it will be minuscule compared to the support and accolades he receives, but the hate hurts either way.
Connor, trans for being you and thanks for being there, sharing yourself, and especially sharing your truth with others. You’ve done a big thing in making tomorrow brighter for many.