For the last person at work who got married, my coworkers held a bridal shower, but in our case there was no bride. So for Brad and me they had a celebration luncheon. Whatever name gets attached, it was a memorable and touching experience. Time after time, as Brad and I move through this journey to being spouses, I am reminded how getting married is far more than a legal recognition of our relationship. We may have started down this adventure to receive the civil rights and protections the marriage license offers, but we have been gifted with so much more.
The folks at work have always been awesome to me when it comes to my relationship. I have always been accepted and treated with tremendous respect. Not everyone has that experience, I realize, but one reason I talk about how much acceptance I’ve had is to encourage others to be more open at their jobs because they may find more acceptance than they expect.
I have little experience with all of the “events” that accompany a wedding including a shower. I’ve been to very few weddings throughout my life, and have never been a best man or part of the wedding party, except for some gay couples. So I’m ignorant as to what’s supposed to happen. So I walked in today clueless as to what to expect. What I found was a room nicely decorated, and full of supportive people. Folks had brought a variety of food, and they had a wonderful cake. There were favors at each seat: small bags of trail mix with tags that read, “Happy Trails Brad and Tom.” All the food was great, and it was fun to answer questions about our coming ceremony and stuff. And there were a few gifts.
The wedding gift thing has always confused me. I get it- how young newly weds need wedding gifts. They have to create a life together, fill a house and start their lives together. But we have been a couple for 17 years and there isn’t much we need to start our household. Work had found these two absolutely beautiful glass serving dishes, and the minute we had opened them, I had a whole new awareness of the whole gift thing. I’m a more practical person. I’d never purchase such dishes unless I thought we would use them regularly, but I almost cried as we opened them because they are so beautiful! They will be displayed in the dining room and used for parties. I’ll walk by them daily, and every time I see them, I’ll be reminded of the role my work colleagues played in celebrating our marriage.
Almost daily, I’m reminded of how central marriage is to our culture. It is a foundational rite, that goes beyond the issue of legal rights and protections, and it has meaning in everyday culture, not only within a religious setting- but as part of civil society.