What follows is a guest post written by @Daburghjacks. The opinions expressed in guest posts may or may not reflect the views of Thomas Waters or thomascwaters.com, and are welcome from anyone who feels they have something worth saying.
Hello Thomas C. Water’s readers. My name is Darren Oates. First, I’d like to thank Thomas for allowing me to post in his blog. Are you ready?
I’m 52 fairly fit at 198 pounds and work out at least twice a week at my local Y.M.C.A. . Thanks to my higher power that I’m out of the sexual arena of the gay world and in a committed relationship.Now that more cruising is done more and more online and the second thing after a dude figures out that you are near by or at least local enough to hookup with is your age.
Now I can understand being close enough in age to have things in common, but some use it as a measuring stick to put all older men in the “old fart” category and may miss out on the riches sexually, socially, and emotionally committed relationships with men over 40 can ever offer then a man in his 20’s.
The maturity level and the “settledness” of the more seasoned man and the things they can bring to the table in a relationship, is the things that a guy should be asking in my Daburghjacks chat room, not “whats your age” right off the bat. What a turn off! It shows how shallow minded that guy is. Though this article may be relationship based and all you want is some hot sex and find a steady guy to do that with,then the superficialness of the “second question” can be understood.
Many men can find rich and fulfilling lives being single their whole lives, but Dorothy gurl, I suggest you grab a man quick ,because the agism that pervades the gay world can some times make me sick! Furthermore you will be relagated to site like silver daddies, Squirt (by the way I hate the “daddy” term, I haven’t any children) and hotoldermale.
As a middle age man myself, I like being aligned to words like, distinguished, handsome, rugged, dapper and sophisticated, as opposed to words like twink, cute, boy-like, junior or punk. Though let’s face it the beautiful thing of life is that we get to have all those titles from birth to dust. Plus the feeling of coming to one’s ownness as I age is something I’m enjoying not alone, but with my lover.
I look in the mirror and see my greying hair at the temples, being called “sir” for those would were taught to respect the aging population, the wiseness of the gaze in my eyes and think of all my life experiences though trail and error. My achievements and failures. What a beautiful thing to gracefully grow old and love life. However to be insulted by the hollow agism of the gay world, that can only instill, hatred, self-hatred, depression, suicide,* and breed contempt toward our community, the Gay community. We don’t corner the market on agism. The straight community has it as well.
*In 2007 (the latest year for which statistics are available), people aged forty-five to fifty-four had the highest suicide rate of any age group: 17.7 per 100,000. (The national average was 11.5 per 100,000.) And the rate for fifty-five to sixty-four-year-olds showed the greatest increase from the previous year. Researchers don’t yet know why mid-lifers are becoming more vulnerable to suicide, especially since studies have found that middle age is generally the happiest time of life for most Americans. As a forty-five-year-old white guy, I was curious to know what makes my demographic group so self-destructive. After talking with experts, here’s what I learned. – See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/middle-age-suicide/#sthash.W5fvXyqH.dpuf
You may say, well we can’t change a system of thought that is so rooted in our sub-culture. I don’t believe that. It can start with you! If you are younger and gay, leave this article changed and share it in your social networks . It is not that hard to change how you perceive a group of people.
CAN WE GET REAL!
As SOME men age their ability to “get it up” decreases ,but that’s just not true in all men. I had my period in my life where I encountered many men much older then me that were hard as a rock! I run a safe sex masturbation group for men in the Western Pennsylvania area (DaburghJacks) and all ages attend. The guys in the group in the 50-60 age range have more power than me!
You ever see a mature man and can’t take your eyes off him? The confidence that just oozes from the way he moves his body and/or walks.That swagger that is saying, “I know and got what I want in life”.
Guys that dismiss men with a little grey in their hair, in their search for love, companionship, or sex, can miss out on an experience that can bring them great joy. Instead of asking the “second question” and showing how sorry your thinking is, ask him where has he traveled around the world. Gain some insight on his life. You can guess his age by that. So if you are single and looking put your agism aside. STOP IT!
Comments welcome here at thomascwaters.com, and Darren can be reached at @Daburghjacks
Note by thomascwaters.com: If you are feeling alone, depressed or suicidal, reach out to a health care professional, and if you don’t know where to find someone to understand you, consider calling Persad to find help.