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Ken O’Neil’s blog “The Marrying Kind” is linked below, and it is a good read! Check it out. He tells the story of a marriage equality rally in New York. I’d quote a part of it here, except that it is such a great read, I don’t want to mess it up. So read it.

But there is a point for me. Maybe Ken would or wouldn’t agree, I don’t know. But this really isn’t about getting married, even if that is the tangible circumstances at the moment. The Equality movement is about fairness and about being treated like everyone else. OK, I’m going to pull a quote out of Ken’s blog:

Then a gay man and a lesbian came and talked to us. They told us they had just received a marriage license. Even though, they don’t love each other, or even know each other very well. They had previously tried to get licenses with the people they actually love. But since the great loves of their lives were of the same gender, they were denied.

Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer people deserve to be treated the same as everyone else in all civil matters. Period.

Ken claims he isn’t an activist, a claim that could be disputed. But taking him at his word, this too is an important point. We don’t need more activists- we need more women and men to be like Ken and get engaged, no matter if they see themselves as activists or not. We need women and men who are gay, straight, bi, trans to stop allowing themselves and others to be treated unfairly. You don’t want to become an activist? Then don’t. But be like Ken.

For Ken, it was about showing up. What will it be for you?

The Marrying Kind: I Am Not Now, Nor Have I Ever Been.

We Republicans have often found ourselves on the wrong side of civil rights struggles since the 1960s, but there was a reason that Martin Luther King, Jr.’s father is said to have supported Republicans.

Republicans were historically the party ever-expanding freedom to disenfranchised minorities, from newly liberated slaves to giving women the right to vote.  Susan B. Anthony was a Republican.  By supporting the AFER trial we have an opportunity to establish our historic credibility on civil rights issues once again.  But we should support marriage equality because it is the right thing to do.

I have no clue how true any of the above assertions are, but reading the piece by Margaret Hoover, got me wondering if the Republicans could steal the Gay vote away from the Democrats. Imagine, if the Republican Party came out in support of gay marriage, what might happen?

First, it could save the Republican party from complete collapse, or at the very least split off the ultra-religious zealots into some fringe 3rd party, allowing the Republican party to get back in the game as a real viable choice as a national party. Second it could attack the vast majority of gay and lesbian voters who are outraged at the way the Democrats promise everything and deliver close to nothing. For many, “marriage” seems to be the end all issue, and I wouldn’t be surprised if many people would jump at any chance for it, even at the risk of losing the chance for other needed rights. So for moderates and those within the GOP who look for small and cost effective government, this could be a win, as well as for those gays and lesbians who are partnered.

Republicans don’t have to become gay friendly to do this either. They can still oppose all other gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans rights, leaving the community still disempowered and victimized by our culture and political system.

But the more I thought about this, it seems like such a long shot. Will the far-right religious ever give up their stronghold over the party? They seem more intent on pushing moderates out, so I’m not sure this could come to pass.

But more likely, any push from within the Republican party to accept gay marriage could cause greater friction between the gay and lesbian communities and the Trans community and other smaller factions that see themselves as fitting under the GLBTQ umbrella. I have spoken to too many gays and lesbians who will say they care about rights for all, but if push came to shove, they would let go of pushing for Trans rights just to get legislation through. The Trans community is fairly used to being thrown under the bus, and while some of us believe this is never an acceptable option, others are willing to entertain it.

Same-sex marriage is here to stay and over time will become acceptable everywhere just as inter-religion marriage and inter-racial marriage have in the past. As a coalition of communities with like needs, the GLBTQ communities must continue to seek liberation and full equality for all, and not be hyper-focused on one isolated right. And most importantly, we must not allow the political parties to use us and our equality issues for their own gains.

Read there: FoxNews contributor argues for marriage equality.

“The church supports this ordinance because it is fair and reasonable and does not do violence to the institution of marriage,” said Michael Otterson, managing director of the LDS Church’s public affairs office.

The Mormon Church has been extremely active in supporting anti-gay marriage battle, and may be recognizing how their previous strategy is a recipe for a back fire, because the strategy has changed. The accusation is that those who are opposed to Marriage Equality do so, because they really want to discriminate in any way against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Proponents of full equality and equal rights have labeled the opposition as bigots, and now, they are recognizing that label as damaging to their goal. The church is not speaking of this as a change in strategy, claiming that it was articulated in an August 2008 statement.

But August 2008 is really not that long ago.

The LDS identifies their goals here:

…the LDS Church “does not object to rights regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights, so long as these do not infringe on the integrity of the family or the constitutional rights of churches and their adherents to administer and practice their religion free from government interference.”

“The church remains unequivocally committed to defending the bedrock foundation of marriage between a man and a woman,” he said.

This may be a more gay-positive stance than that taken by far-right groups like the National Organization forMarriage (NOM) and draws a line in the sand that everyone should be able to understand. But the real problem is that Marriage Equality does neither, and so their arguments against it are irrelevant. Marriage Equality doesn’t force any church to do anything against their religion, so the second point is moot. Their first point, gets a bit muddier, because 1) it assumes that the “integrity of the family” is a set concept easy to define, and that currently exists, and 2) is linked solely and completely to the gender of the parents of a family. The integrity of the family, in other words is all about procreation, at least for the Mormons.

Before going any further, this is a positive development to see the LDS take a public step forward for the rights of gay and lesbians. But otherwise, this is the same old stuff we have been battling and must continue to battle. There is no mention of bisexual, or trans rights in this ordinance, and no protection in public accommodations. So, at least gay people can work, but they can still be refused a hotel room or a seat in a restaurant.

A more interesting story appears if you read down through the comments following the blog post. Here, in the comments is where we see the actual position of Mormons begin to be expressed. Some folks are outraged that their church would say anything supportive of gay people at all. Other see this very matter-of-factly and support it- for them the church is acting fairly and reasonably here, and except for the failure of the ordinance to protect bisexuals and trans people, and failure to include public accommodations, I completely agree.  The line in the sand, is the biblical and/or church ownership of marriage, and GLBTQ activists need to come to grips with that. If we continue to fail to understand the line in the sand, we will continue to fall short in ever battle against our opponents.

I am not suggesting we should accept their line in the sand, rather we have to quit fighting against the wrong enemy! We can say this is hate-based and use the catchy “NoH8,” but in doing so, our attempt to reframe the battle as one of love vs hate misses the mark. They are winning the battle when it comes to framing the issue! The real enemy is a restrictive and unsupportable notion that marriage is between one man and one woman. The enemy is the false notion that the integrity of the family is dependent upon a household with a male and female parent. This is the framing of the issue and the rhetoric we must learn how to confront and beat.

via Deseret News | Mormon Church backs protection of gay rights in Salt Lake City.

When we we stop looking for someone to save the day for Lesbians and Gays? When are we going to stop expecting someone to step in and do some magical thing that will supposedly make everything better for us? When are we going to stop spinning our wheels looking for actions from Obama that we just aren’t going to get?

One reason we keep losing when it comes to Marriage Equality is because it is probably the biggest battle left  for the far religious right. Without it, they perish. Without the ability to demonize gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender folks, they have nothing to stand on. Without their attempt to perpetuate the lies and misinformation about us, they can not succeed at holding a few passages in a +2000 year old compilation of ancient writings up as the only way to see the world. We, the GLBTQ community with our straight allies are pushing culture forward toward a new level of enlightenment- out of a dark age once again.

But the other reason we keep losing is because we seem hooked on this failed strategy that if someone with enough authority just says the right thing, it will make all the difference.

What will really make the difference? When every lesbian and gay person comes out of the closet and talks openly about their real life at work, in social settings, at church and with their families. A real difference will happen when enough people can see us and know us and know us well enough that  no matter how many lies and misinformation is out there, they will not be able to stand because the truth of our real lives will be too visible to be ignored.

What will make the difference? When we seek to treat every election as if it mattered to each and everyone of us, and we talked to everyone we know about it. Yesterday, before leaving work, I told my boss, I was off to vote, and why I was voting for the candidates for PA’s courts. Why the election mattered to me and my life.

What will make the difference? When we stop being a one track voting block, and care about the rights of others as much as we want our own rights.As long as the Trans communities can look around and point out how they are thrown under the bus or ejected for “us” when it better suits some of us. As long as we are not including the rights of the poor, the homeless, the racial minority, the [whatever groups is also being discriminated against] in our call for “Full Equality,” we will fall short of that goal. And as long as our allies are not educated enough by us that they realize that for us, full equality is like life and death, we will not get enough of them to the polls to be a voice with us for change.

The link below is to a petition to ask Obama to join the fight to overturn Prop 8 in California. Given the history we have with Obama, what do you think the chances are of that? Yet some think it is worth the time or the effort to ask, and ten I guess we get to be pissed off at Obama when he doesn’t come through , even though it was probably pretty clear even before the petition there was no chance of that at all. It may help express some of the frustration of yesterday’s loss in Maine, and  for that reason, go ahead and sign it. But really. Take the time to set a new course of action for our equality movement instead of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

That new direction is one of real engagement, every day. Come out. Be out, and live out and proud. Let your families, and friends, and coworkers and others know why equality matters to you. Go and see your legislators. Sit down, face to face and tell them why legislation for GLBTQ rights matter to you, and that you expect them to vote in a way that betters the whole of our society. Broaden your viewpoint to consider where others are not being treated equal too, and work with them, instead of competing against them for change. And do this every single day.

Petition to Obama | Q1 Passes – Equality California.

I’ve written several times that the timing of the March is a problem. And I still think that, but on the other hand, is there really any wrong time to march for our rights? Easy answer: No! The conservatives are doing everything in their power to keep GLBTQ people and many others from full equality and protection, but the attacks on LGBT?QLBTQ’s is unprecidented. Consider the war being waged against Obama appointee, Kevin Jennings- simply because he is a gay man. A long list of examples can be posted here, but I think the case with Jennings is the perfect example, and the far right seems that they will stop at nothing to defeat him, and Obama.

Many within the LGBT community have been outraged at what appears to be Obama’s failure to come through on his campaign promises to the GLBTQ community, and that may be true. But the control of our full equal rights is not in Obama’s hands alone. It is our president, our congress, and the whole of the American people to whom we will be speaking at our march and rally.

So, I hope I will be seeing you in Washington this Sunday, because inspote of whatever problems or flaws there are with the march, it is our chance right now to have our voices heard, to unify as one community full of vastly diverse individuals and demand an end to being treated as second class citezens. Achieving full equality may not happen in a single act or by a single law, but to have anything less is unacceptable, and we must keep demanding our rights, and working to achieve them until full equality for all is simply the way it is.

National Equality March™ « Equality Across America.

National March on Washington

My fellow blogger, Matt Algren, has written an excellent post expressing why the National March on Washington is crucial. I’ve expressed a differing opinion, and yesterday posted about how some national organizations are not supporting the event, even though they won’t work against it. But I wanted to address Matt’s points directly, because I think we (those who support the march  and those who do not support it) are not necessarily asking the right questions.  Matt writes:

Many people, myself included, weren’t politically active until last November when we were shocked to attention. The energy created then is now collecting dust while we all wait for congress or the president or whoever else to actually DO something. All we’re hearing from our supposed leaders, with due respect, is to wait a little longer, to be patient.

That attitude was necessary during the Bush years, but we don’t need it anymore. We have a majority in congress and in the White House, and an increasingly supportive generation that is begging to help us. There has never been a better time to push forward relentlessly, and our window of opportunity is closing quickly.

First of all, we need new blood coming into the activism community, and with out a doubt, last November’s surprise brought many people like Matt to the table. And we need each and every one of those folks! But here is where I think we are asking the wrong question. It isn’t whether we should wait or expect our elected officials to act now- that is not the question we should be asking. The more appropriate question is to ask, how can we actively participate in changing how our government functions so that we get our needs met? Let me highlight a bit more of Matt’s post, and then I’ll explain some of my thoughts a bit further. Here are the reasons for the March as he sees it:

1. It tells our governmental leaders that the time is NOW, that we won’t be patted on the head and then ignored for another five or ten years.
2. It tells our LGBT leaders to get on board or get out of the way. No more waiting politely for someone to decide we’re worth the political cost.
3. Most importantly, it infuses a new generation with the confidence of those who have been fighting for years. This generational passing-down of values and ideas is so much more difficult in the LGBT community because we don’t have the automatic mechanism of familial generations. We have to make a much more concerted effort than our straight counterparts.

These all sound very good as rhetoric and theory, but what is missing is any notion of how a March will in and of itself change things.We can tell our leaders, but is that enough? I don’t think so. We need ways for that voice to turn into action. I don’t believe anyone has been ignoring us. I think there has not been the degree of progress we want or need, but since my first March in 1987 I think we have seen and experienced progress. I think the lack of more progress, isn’t about being ignored however. I think it is a matter of a lack of guts on the part of politicians to take bold actions out of fear of the potential repercussions, and after having been to 3 marches, I don’t have much faith that another march will change that. In fact, looking at the ongoing Health Care fiasco, suggest to me that progressives have less guts now than they have had for some time.

The problem I have with #2 is that I wonder who are these leaders and will they be listening? I’ll be the first to say that I am not confidant that groups like HRC always act as aggressively for the GLBTQ communities. For example it is fairly well understood that the HRC worked a deal with the Obama administration to take DADT off the table in exchange for bringing Inclusive ENDA up. I want to know why it was one or the other instead of demanding both? But one reality is that money talks in Washington far more than the crowd’s roar. So, I would like to see something that suggest any GLBTQ “leaders” will be impacted by a march.

#3 is the most intriguing and most difficult to speak to. On one level, I really get the desire to go and stand in a large crowd, there in the nation’s capitol and speak with one voice, calling for change. My experience of 1987 is still vivid in my mind, and had a lasting impact upon my life. Back then, we seemed to go to Washington often, and then we took a break for a while, and the last March, I remember turning out to be a major loss of money.

• 1987 2nd National March on Washington
• 1988 2nd National display of the Names Project Quilt
• 1989 3rd National Display of the Names Project Quilt
• 1993  3rd National March on Washington
• 1998  4th National Quilt display
• 2000 Millennium March on Washington

I can’t imagine taking that experience away from a new generation of activist, but I also can’t see how having the experience is enough to warrant it when there is so much at stake this year. With the election in Maine less than a month afterwards, it seems irresponsible to pull anyone away from that important work.

Although I don’t really understand the notion of why gays and lesbians are at a disadvantage due to no automatic familial generations. In this comment, I hear a desire for greater sense of connectedness inter-generationally, but I’m not sure that the lack of it is because of being straight. Historically, older gay men have never been honored with in queer culture.

But I also think the issues appear quite different today than they ever did in 1987 or 1992 or even at the last march. On one level equality is equality, but today, more than ever before, we know that equality is important for all Americans, and to achieve it, we need everyone gay, straight or in between working together to end discrimination. This would be a very powerful March is we were 2 million strong with straights and gays- everyone demanding equality for all! That would be a March!

One of the biggest issues bothering me about the planned March, is that our elected officials won’t even be in DC! We are marching and giving voice to our position and no one will be listening, except ourselves. When someone can explain to me in a reasonable fashion how that will accomplish the goals of the March, I will consider attending. Otherwise, I hope those attending find what they are looking for, but it won’t be real change in Washington.

This coming Saturday, your presence is requested- actually more than your presence- your participation is needed for the National Kiss-In. Are you free? come on- all the cool kids are doing it! The link below offers a set of invaluable and fun tips to make your kiss-in experience as good as it can be!

In over 40 cities, people will lock lips to  including Pittsburgh PA. Here are the local details:

PITTSBURGH, PA, at 1000 Penn Avenue, on the public space right in front of the Westin portico/driveway on 10th, between Liberty Ave and Penn Ave – organized by Jeremy Hooper of the blog, Good As You, and endorsed by the Netroots Nation Event – contact@goodasyou.org

Facebook group page for Pittsburgh: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110382828714

Facebook event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=120765671125&ref=nf

If you are not in Pittsburgh or just want more information, check this out: http://www.GreatNationwideKissIn.com

Tips on Participating in a Political Kiss-In – Feast of Fun.

Yesterday, I wrote:

how are we going to position our needs so that always and through out his entire presidency, we are demanding attention for actions that will be good for us, and thereby good for everyone

And since then, I’ve been feeling like I need to go further with that statement. As I sat down this morning to write, and read over all that I wrote yesterday, I think I need to elaborate for 2 reasons, so here goes.

The first is easy, I hope. My point of the blog post was to point out that action within our government system will not come because one person, like the President will make it all happen, but rather because we all demand that change, and seek it by full participation in the democratic process. “Full participation” to me means getting involved at all times and in ways, and not just silently casting a vote.  If every GLBTQ person was calling, writing, and meeting with their elected official and asking those officials to do the right thing, we would see change. So few people actually follow through and the elected officials get tons and tones of angry hateful communications from those who are anti-gay, and do not hear from us.

This needed communication is not about firing off a quick email. That will merely be lost in the thousands of emails the elected officials already receive.  But an actual snail-mail letter or better yet, a visit/meeting with the elected official- that will be the right way to go.

The second point may or may not be a harder one to make, and I’m framing it as “equal rights or special rights.” Those things that GLBTQ’s are seeking, must be demanded in a way where it is clear how they are about Equality, and not just about gay rights. By this I do not mean that we need to hide or downplay how they impact gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people, but rather, how laws that protect us, strengthen us, our families, our communities, in ways that are good for everyone, all families and all communities.

For example protection from discrimination for transgender persons. This is important not just for transfolk, but because transfolk are everywhere, in every community, the community is stronger with these protections. The missing piece is often visibility, and the radical right works to demonize and capitalize by fear mongering. Framing the issue in the ways that these laws benefit the whole and relate to our key values f equality help battle the demonization of some.

The flip side to this is to articulate the ways in which change impacts real people and real lives. In the marriage equality battle, the issue needs to be framed in terms of real lives. How will allowing two men and two women to marry- how will that  impact your marriage and your life? It is easy for most anyone to get caught up in some distant generalized rhetoric about redefining marriage.  But when you come down to it and ask, how will my (same-sex) marriage to my partner really change your marriage to your (opposite sex) partner,  or your everyday life? answers change. The fear mongering appeals for what will happen can then be shown for what they are- empty fear tactics. I don’t mean to suggest that it will all be easy, but a change in the way things are framed can make a difference.

The other day I posted about using the August Recess as a time to be an advocate for the issues important to you. For me these include a slate of LGBT/GLBTQ issues such as state-wide protection from discrimination, hate crimes protections, an end to Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) and stuff surrounding Marriage Equality. Of all my interests PA HB 300 is the top most priority, and my post the other day was focused on issue advocacy on the state level. That same day, HRC began the “No Excuses” campaign which is more about the national level.

On the one hand, I’m concerned and generally think it unwise to ask people to do too much. They will feel overwhelmed and most often, do nothing. On the other hand, there is a real battle going on that impacts everyone, straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender. any of us who want to see the Equality movement progress, must recognize that the time is now for concerted meaningful successes on every level from the local all the way up to the national. So, I urge you, to make Equality a major priority for you. Be involved at every level, from your local community all the way up. Be an active participant in bringing about the type of society where freedom and equality are had by all. Follow the link to do your part on the national level, for me may not have another opportunity for many years if we don’t make adequate progress now.

No Excuses: Demanding Equality Face to Face.

I posted this link back on May 1st, and since then the site has grown tremendously. Consider adding your picture. There has never been a more important time to show America who we are- for real.

FACES OF US.